I miss babies. I'll admit it, I do.
I always wanted 4 children. I grew up in a big family, my parents adopted 3 of us, and fostered many more kids in between. The house was always full of kids, and at weekends we'd all descend on my grandparents, and their house would be full of aunties, uncles and cousins - adults all talking and laughing, kids all running around playing games. I adored it, all the mess, noise and chaos, and I always knew that was the kind of life I wanted.
My husband is a bit more sensible though, and he only ever wanted 2 kids, max. We were delighted when our second child was born, and being a girl, it meant that we had one of each, the perfect "gentleman's family". That was it, we were done.
I'm not really done, but I'm happy with my kids, and have to admit that parenthood isn't all fun and games, it's bloody hard work and my 2 kids keep me plenty busy!
Daisy starts school this August, and that's made me feel quite sad for the past year. I've been at home with a preschooler for almost 9 years now, and even on the toughest days, I've loved every second of it. I adore all the little milestones they reach, I love being the one they run to when they're proud of something, when they want to share a secret or need a cuddle.
I miss the baby stage so much. I miss that baby smell, the way they giggle, their chubby little bums and the way their big eyes get all droopy when they're trying (and failing) to stay awake!
I miss being pregnant, I miss having a baby fall asleep on my chest and I miss seeing their little faces all covered in food.
The trouble is, having another baby now just wouldn't really work. The age gap would be bigger than I'd like and our current circumstances don't really allow for it. We live with my mum now, who is 65 and doesn't keep the best health. She no longer has the energy or patience to live with a baby, even if she wouldn't be looking after it. We have 4 dogs and a cat, as well as the kids, and life is just busy enough without the added stress of a tiny baby.
I like how our life is just now. The kids are of an age where we can be more spontaneous, we can take off to a restaurant or the cinema at a moment's notice, and we don't have to think about running home for nappies, milk or buggies.
We can relax a bit at weekends because the kids play amongst themselves or go outside with their friends. We haven't been able to do that for 9 years, there's always been someone needing 1:1 attention, so that's a big novelty. I'll miss Daisy when she goes to school, but I'll have so much more free time to meet friends, read books or get myself a hobby.
I've come to the conclusion that I'll always miss babies. Even if I did have more babies, they grow up and I'd be back to missing them again! It's a sad thought that my baby days are done, but I've accepted that it's time to move on and embrace the benefits of having older kids. I can always look after other people's babies, anyway!
Please tell me I'm not the only one who get's overwhelmingly broody sometimes!
